| I really don't like the words realistic or reality, or at | | | | of his situation that he could use to his benefit. He |
| least I don't like the way many people use them. First | | | | defined his reality as one where he still had choices |
| of all, no one ever smiles when they say those | | | | on how he would live his life. |
| words. Have you ever seen someone smiling while | | | | This way of thinking is what most people would call |
| they say, "You've got to face reality" or "Come on, | | | | "positive," to be sure, and I am also sure that many |
| let's be realistic for a few hours"? The look is always | | | | would say he had a positive attitude. I would not |
| somber and grave. But the biggest problem with | | | | disagree, but I would still not call it that because the |
| realistic or reality is that it's the speaker's reality that | | | | way most people use that phrase ignores the work |
| you're supposed to face. The speaker, supposedly, is | | | | and effort that went into where this young man was |
| the holder of the truth of what reality is. In fact, | | | | - emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. He had |
| your reality might be very different than his or her | | | | looked deeply into his heart and soul, and he had |
| reality. | | | | examined carefully what was going on in his head. He |
| One young man I spoke with a few years ago | | | | had worked fearlessly and diligently to bring himself |
| taught me a lot about reality and perspective and | | | | to the point where he was. His search for his reality |
| attitude. The young man had lived his whole life as a | | | | was much more than just thinking good thoughts. |
| hemophiliac. He then became HIV positive from the | | | | In fact, if I had seen him early in his battle with HIV |
| transfusions that he needed from time to time. This | | | | and told him to just be positive and find some |
| was before the "cocktails" they have developed that | | | | positive points to having HIV, it would have been |
| help so many people avoid full blown AIDS. He said | | | | ludicrous. Or if I had defined the reality of his life as |
| that, yes, he was a little frightened by what the | | | | that of one who would probably be dead shortly I |
| future might hold for him, but he said he wasn't | | | | would have missed a bigger picture, a bigger reality. |
| angry or bitter or defeated. In fact, he said a very | | | | Answers to the big questions in life have got to |
| interesting development had taken place in his life | | | | come from within. This doesn't mean we shouldn't |
| because of the HIV. He stated that he had always | | | | support each other or that we don't have things to |
| had a problem with impatience. He wanted what he | | | | offer each other. We can and should be supportive. |
| wanted when he wanted it - and that was always | | | | We can do this by being there for each other, |
| yesterday. He knew he had a tendency to be pretty | | | | listening to each other, reminding each other of |
| pushy. Being a religious person, he had prayed for | | | | possible strategies that might help, such as going to a |
| more patience. Now that he had HIV, he had found | | | | counselor for guidance. However, the real work has |
| the patience he was looking for. | | | | to be done by us. We ultimately define our reality. |
| Now some might put this in the category of "be | | | | The young man with HIV was a great example of |
| careful what you wish for." Not him. He appreciated | | | | why our reality about life in general is so critical in |
| his days more. He had a much better sense of the | | | | relationship to how we deal with specific situations. A |
| present than he had ever had before. He was much | | | | person whose view of reality constantly puts him or |
| closer to people in his life. He wasn't recommending | | | | her in a victim mode, even in good times, is going to |
| his situation to others, and he was sure hoping that a | | | | have a great deal of trouble handling the tough times. |
| cure for the HIV virus would be discovered. But his | | | | A person like this young man, whose reality included |
| attitude, the way he defined his situation with HIV | | | | the idea that the "power" was within him, will never |
| and the way he defined his life, including what was | | | | be a victim and will not be defeated by adverse |
| important about it, allowed him to see some aspects | | | | events. |