| Losing a child is one of the worst experiences that | | | | cancer were at first remonstrated for their vice |
| any human being can suffer. We all know that our life | | | | which caused their condition. And we all know how |
| has to come to an end eventually and we mourn the | | | | AIDS victims were reviled in the 80s when first we |
| passing of our parents and elderly aunts and uncles. | | | | heard of this devastating disease. Eventually, |
| As heartbreaking as this is, that is the life cycle, that | | | | however, a collective common sense took over and |
| is how it is supposed to be. We are not supposed to | | | | we realized that these people were victims and |
| survive our child. | | | | deserved compassion and understanding. |
| To lose a child is beyond cruel. It goes against all of | | | | I look forward to the day when the people who |
| our expectations of what life is supposed to be, how | | | | suffer from the disease that killed my son, will be |
| our lives are supposed to play out. It shatters our | | | | accorded the same understanding and compassion as |
| vision of the fairy tale existence that has been | | | | those other victims. As I stated earlier, my son |
| spoon-fed us since early childhood. | | | | developed his disease at the tender age of 17, when |
| So when a beloved child dies, the fairy tale turns into | | | | he was on the very brink of manhood, yet still a |
| a macabre nightmare, only this nightmare pervades | | | | child, exploring, experimenting, trying to find his way. |
| our minds around the clock. There is no release from | | | | The institutions of which I write, are in reality, rehab |
| the tortured visions. Sleep only brings us more | | | | facilities. You see, my son died of the disease of |
| torment, where our mind plays horrific games and we | | | | addiction! Yes, addiction is a proven brain disease. The |
| have no control over what floats in and out of our | | | | drugs change your brain's chemistry. What starts out |
| heads. | | | | as a lark, or a dare, or a curiosity or a way to |
| Finally we awake with sudden relief that the | | | | self-medicate some inner turmoil, emotional pain or |
| nightmare is over, only to realize instantaneously that | | | | some form of mental illness, giving the person a |
| the nightmare was nothing more than a really bad | | | | deceptive sense of euphoria, soon gives way to |
| dream and that the real nightmare, the real torture, | | | | despair, and if they're the unluckiest of the unlucky, |
| the realization that this is really real, will rear its ugly | | | | to full-blown addiction. |
| head and keep us company all day and into the night. | | | | There is no turning back. The Addiction Monster now |
| We can't yearn for sweet sleep to escape our | | | | has them in its clutches and it is a formidable foe, |
| heartache because there is no surcease from this | | | | stronger than any parental admonitions, or books or |
| sorrow. Nighttime brings nightmares and daytime | | | | TV shows or TV public service announcements, and |
| brings something much worse. It brings reality. A | | | | much stronger than the hapless victim. |
| reality so horrible as to be almost incomprehensible. | | | | Most of us, well, let's face it, all of us make mistakes. |
| My husband and I went through a living nightmare for | | | | Every single one of us makes many mistakes during |
| 14 years as we helplessly watched our beloved | | | | our lifetime. Fortunately for us, most of our mistakes |
| youngest son die from an oftentimes fatal disease, | | | | will be short-lived, cause no long-term consequences, |
| quite often marked by vomiting, shaking, | | | | and we can learn and profit from them and go on |
| hallucinations, sunken in cheeks, and marathon | | | | about our lives. |
| sleeping sessions, alternating with days of | | | | Addiction does not afford us this second chance. It |
| sleeplessness. He contracted the disease when he | | | | completely takes over the victim's mind and body. |
| was 17, when he had the world by the tail and so | | | | When you look into the face of your addicted child, |
| much life in front of him, waiting to be enjoyed and | | | | you're not really seeing him or her. You are merely |
| grabbed with youthful gusto. | | | | seeing a shell that resembles your child, but hidden |
| Our son had his own band. He played guitar. Actually | | | | inside is the Monster who is calling all the shots. As |
| he could play any musical instrument thrust into his | | | | much as your child tries to fight this monster, he |
| hands, from the flute, to the drums, even a dulcimer, | | | | doesn't have a chance. The Monster is strong and |
| to the guitar. He had natural talent. | | | | tenacious and unrelenting and lulls the child into the |
| Our son had the all-American good looks, the buff | | | | false hope that just one more hit will make them feel |
| physique honed from many years of surfing and | | | | better and then they can start fighting the Monster |
| working out with weights and running. His smile would | | | | again. But it never works this way. The Monster will |
| knock your socks off. He was a Leo, exhibiting most | | | | win every time. Its strength is Herculean. |
| of the traits of that Zodiac sign including the charm | | | | It's easy to cast aspersions on the addicted person, |
| and charisma that left the girls spellbound. | | | | to look down our noses at them, and to say that |
| He had a brilliant mind with an IQ of 150 and even | | | | they made their bed, let them lie in it. Would we say |
| wrote professionally for a brief time. During our son's | | | | this about the cancer victims? Although AIDS |
| illness, with its many remissions, he managed to | | | | patients still experience a certain amount of hostility |
| become an EMT, graduating first in his class, and then | | | | and lack of understanding by the general public, their |
| on to become a Paramedic and then an RN. His | | | | plight is gradually becoming more understood. |
| ultimate goal was to be a physician. He would have | | | | Progress is finally being made in this regard. |
| made an excellent one too, not only for his sharp | | | | Now it's time, actually way past time, for all of us to |
| mind but also because of his kindness and | | | | understand addiction. Addiction is not a conscious |
| compassion. | | | | choice. The experimentation usually begins in |
| There were so many times during the years that our | | | | childhood, before our brains are fully developed. We |
| son could not attend certain family functions due to | | | | don't have the tools to make smart decisions...but we |
| his illness. He couldn't get out of bed. He didn't even | | | | think we do. And that is our downfall. Children make |
| graduate from high school, having missed so many | | | | mistakes. That's a part of growing up. The lucky |
| days and because of the problems that his illness | | | | ones will be able to overcome these childhood |
| caused. | | | | mistakes and grow up and go on to lead happy, |
| From the time he was 17 until he passed away on | | | | productive lives. |
| the night of December 1, 2002, at the age of 31, we | | | | As my son used to tell me, "Mom, nobody wakes up |
| didn't get much sleep. We were always waiting for | | | | one day and decides to be an addict." I'd like to add |
| the phone call that would tell us that our son had | | | | that nobody wakes up one day and decides to be a |
| been taken to the hospital. We knew the disease | | | | bereaved parent, yet it is thrust upon us with all the |
| was exacerbating and there was nothing that we | | | | weight of the world. We are victims too of our |
| could do. Still, you never really think it will happen. You | | | | drug-entrenched society. |
| are never prepared! | | | | As much as we bereaved parents suffer, and believe |
| We had him in and out of institutions that specialized | | | | me we suffer inconsolably, our children suffered 10 |
| in his particular disease. We did everything humanly | | | | fold. They never expected it to happen to them. |
| possible to save him. He also tried desperately to | | | | They didn't know what they were up against. They |
| cure himself but all along he knew that it was a futile | | | | didn't realize the searing pain they would cause us, |
| battle. | | | | the pain that would live with us every second of |
| We spent untold thousands and thousands of dollars | | | | every day. |
| on treatments because no insurance company would | | | | I miss my son with every fiber of my being. My only |
| pay for treatment for his type of disease. Had he | | | | consolation is that he is no longer suffering. His pain |
| been a leper he would have been treated better. | | | | has ended. Ours endures. |
| There was a time, not too terribly long ago, when | | | | For more information on the disease of addiction, and |
| cancer was spoken of in hushed tones. People who | | | | to read the stories by 40 parents who have lost a |
| got cancer were sometimes ashamed, as were their | | | | child to this insidious disease, please read I Am Your |
| relatives. Society placed a stigma on cancer victims | | | | Disease (The Many Faces of Addiction). The book is |
| and their families. I am old enough to remember this. | | | | a compellingly honest depiction of addiction and will |
| Then along came AIDS. Another disease spoken of, | | | | open your eyes to the fact that good kids do drugs |
| in even more hushed tones than cancer. | | | | too! |
| People who smoked all their lives and contracted | | | | |